Thursday, July 22, 2010


I live a life…

I am happy with my life…

Until I realise that is not exactly what I was hoping for. It goes this way. It ends up in Bhutan Observer’s news room. It stifles until I decide enough is enough and get out. It meanders on a way of its own again, until it ends up 27th on the RCSC civil service exams. It wasn’t what I set out on…but in life, one must sometimes learn to wait on our course, think hard, about the things that have fallen on our path and about the things that we expect of life but never quite come off…and so I decide that for once, I heed life’s call…take what it has to offer and bide my time for the good things I know are mine.

In a small building removed from life…I meet my destination…It’s a brand new life…It’s life in the service of the nation, its people and their leaders…It is a life destined for stifling academics and scholarly lot…It’s spring in my life…I enjoy my civil service goodies…handsome pay, top security, Dell laptop and many travels, in and out of country…besides being the ’Sir’ of all junior civil servants and the business minded others. I almost get used to this new life.

And then I get the call to action…off I go…in search of destiny, of my own and every other Bhutanese whose faith is Gross National Happiness. But it is a god forsaken place out there…little prospect, and just too many mouths. GNH is solace for them if in life, spirituality is more important than development, wealth, prosperity…for they have none, and none may come to them in their life time…they had to either get used to poverty and be happy or they get out of the place and move towards a brighter life…Life here confuses…it drowns you in alcohol, drugs and everything else that deludes.

I get back, shaken and confused, drunk and feeling content, not quite real, but true…I screw a little, get booked, get hanged, get out of my mind, feel dumped and drained of all my life and its many prospects.

But in life, one must get up as quickly as one falls…that is what every good book and what everybody who writes them tells…I try to do that, pick myself up, dust out the shames, and ramble on quite randomly…It’s what comes first in my mind that finds itself processed…it is blasphemy, it’s dirty linen in the open.

If environment spoils, it mends too…I am at a stage where I might yet come back, to see another day, find another hope and build another life…of my choice.

No comments:

Post a Comment